Pop Culture Magick - How a Guns ‘n Roses Concert was a giant magical initiation ceremony for me.

How do I start a post like this? It’s beyond what my mind can capture and absolutely more than what words can say. 

Where do I even begin? When I bought the ticket? While I was anticipating the concert? While I was sending Reiki to the situation (the concert)? When I started the getting ready ritual? The MAX ride to the MODA Center? Finding my seat? Watching all the people there for the same show?

Let me start with the astrology and numbers of the night. A full moon in Aquarius on 8/22/21 (which is the 234th day of the year). In an Aquarius town (Portland), in an Aquarius state (Oregon), going to see a band with the most Aquarian Axl (Stellium of 6 planets in Aquarius). And myself, I have a moon (at 22 degrees), venus and Lilith in Aquarius. And I had both a grandmother (born on 2/14) and a grandfather that were Aquarians (my ancestorals). Lots of Aqua energy flowing that night.

I think this perfectly sums up Aqua energy:

“It is a strange desire to seek power and to lose liberty.”

— Francis Bacon (Sun and Mercury in Aquarius)

 

At any rate, from all that I can tell, something was definitely up with the cosmos.

The concert itself was sublime, transcendental, a spiritual experience, beyond my wildest imagination and everything I could have hoped for and more. GNR did not disappoint. They put on a DYNAMITE show! They guys are older than me and they were all over the stage just pouring out the LOVE to the crowd!

Axl was on time, charming and did ALL THE MOVES! This old lady was swooning!

First I watched Mammoth WVH! I was enthralled by WVH’s sound! Totally unexpected and absolutely stunning! He has skillz! I think I was expecting him to sound harder, but I was pleasantly surprised and am digging his vibe! I have had the privilege of watching both father and son! What an honor! 

Then just when I thought I couldn’t wait one more second, the MAIN EVENT began! W AXL ROSE and the band were heard before seen and his signature voice pierced through my body as they began “It’s so easy” which was a confirmation for my next venture. Exactly what I needed to know!

The first song, “It’s So Easy”. There were so many syncs there. 

The band energetically swept through multiple, upbeat, older songs then played their new song ABSURD. Axl came out afterwards and said “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m all amped up on Voodoo Donuts!” and we went wild!

They sang “You Could Be Mine” (which I totally wanted and had been playing all week long) and “Better” from Chinese Democracy (totally unexpected and I went NUTS), so happy for these two songs, I wished to hear these LIVE! Not to mention “Live and Let Die”! (a childhood favorite and hearing AXL sing this was so profound).

Axl saying “Just another day at the office.” What a sense of humor! And, indeed! He is so professional now, just delivering a show so smoothly. And him saying “You’re so generous” when we screamed our applause!

Many encores. The first one. Everything was dark and all I hear is Axl yelling “SIT DOWN” and then he is at the front of the stage at the PIANO and begins "November Rain!".

At the second encore he comes out to an acoustic “Wichita Lineman” which BLEW MY MIND and proved that he still has a golden voice! This had personal meaning for me. And this is when I KNEW I was in a Magical Initiation of some sort. ON what level I wasn’t sure. (It took days to put this all together).

Slash was amazing throughout the night, laying it down! He is a maestro on the guitar! OUT OF THIS WORLD!

Duff just gets better with age! And yet another Aquarius!

They played "Patience" and "Paradise City" to end the night.

I walked partly home from the abundance of energy running through me and it was well after 3am before I could sleep.

This was also an initiation into a women's group I am entering to heal my relationship with money and what I believe to be a level of higher magic. It is all in synch and very profound and the signs and symbols are blowing my mind!

Word of the Year (2021)

Well, last year (2020), I did not choose a word for the year. I can see the results of not having a focus. It led to chaos. During the last year, I do not feel like I advanced in my personal growth. I feel like I just waded through the year with no purpose. There was a vibration of survival that defined the year, not just for myself but for the collective, given the pandemic, social unrest, fires, an intense presidential election and other events of the year. All these things affected me personally, on a mirco level. I’ve come out at the end of the year fairly well, considering. Better off than alot, that’s for sure. Still I have some serious issues to address now that a new year, new energy has emerged. So I am dedicating 2021 to myself.

I’ve decided that Thinner is going to be my word. I am inspired by the novel by Stephen King. This word can apply to several areas of my life that I would like to decrease. Starting with my weight. I have some health issues that I want to overcome and reducing my weight will greatly help those issues and they may even go away. I also want to thin my belongings, so a purge of stuff is in my future. Spring cleaning? I want to thin my spending. (And perhaps try selling some of my items). So, that’s where I stand right now. Thinner.

Bring it on!

Happy 2021!

Change in Perspective

I'm coming up on my third year back to mainstream work and 18 months back to 40 hours a week.  Today I was noticing my reaction to my new utility bill....

I used to get my bills and get stressed out about them.  I'd feel resentful about paying the bills.  I'd feel anxiety about paying the bill.  I'd often seek distractions to keep from thinking about my bills and I'd also spend tons of time obsessing over my payback schedule.  In short, I was fearful and resentful of my bills. 

Today I got my new electric bill.  It's at its highest at this time of year when I'm trying to heat a drafty apartment.  And I run cold.  So it's high.  In the past I would have definitely stressed about the amount while being angry about having to pay it.  But today, I felt gratitude that I have the money to pay it.  I'm grateful I have a roof over my head and I'm grateful I am warm inside. 

I realize I am living a blessed life. Things aren't perfect, but I choose to be grateful for everything I have.

New Year New Schmear

Whatever goals I thought I was going to start my new year with have quickly flown the coop.  Those ways are for the good old days.  I am now taking a more balanced and grounded approach.  Realistic even...

How did I think I could take on so many new changes all at once?  I ended up failing at every one of them before the day ended. 

Why are we, why am I, so hard on myself (ourselves).  It's something I see all around me via friends, social media and culturely, even when I changed my yearly goal to one word I had a secret list of life changes I was applying to myself.  Pure folly.

So in this moment I give up my notions of perfection and ease into comfort&joy and work towards that goal and away from tasks that are not in alignment with that ultimate goal.

Feel good. 😍

2019 - Comfort&Joy

As I was going through my emails yesterday, I came across one that suggested choosing A WORD as your new year symbol/intention for what you wanted instead of having resolutions.  Well, I'm ahead of the game as that is exactly what I have been doing for several years now! 

2018 was the year of Ease and it went quite well!  Even my breakup with my significant other went with relative ease considering.  So, for me, this method has worked incredibly well!

I am choosing a combo of words for 2019...Comfort&Joy!  I need these in my life at this time.  After coming in to some ease, I noted that I'm missing some comfort and joy.  I am looking forward to bringing these elements into my world this year.

I also want to move closer in (toward downtown) so I'm closer to my social circles again and less likely to isolate due to vicinity.  That will take some time as I'm on a lease and I also need to save up for the deposit and moving costs.  But it's a worthy goal. 

I will continue working on improving the range of motion in my left shoulder.  I resolved the frozen shoulder on my right side and have no doubt I can repeat the success on my left side given time and patience.  It is taking much longer to resolve but with consistent stretching and exercises I, at least, am not seeing it get worse.

I continue to pursue my health by giving up all meat and dairy products.  This has turned into a pleasure for me.  I love the benefits my body has gained by giving up these foods.  I no longer crave meat and dairy foods.  I feel better and have had positive lab results that only validate my choices.  I look forward to seeing what improvements come from removing all dairy from my diet this coming year.

I do have a goal of getting back to writing this year.  I miss my muse and I have gotten off track as I let other activities become a priority.  Also, my daughter bought me a beginner's guitar for Christmas so that is another aspiration of mine, to learn how to play it!  I have lots to keep me intrigued in the new year! 

End of year (2018)

So soon another year has come to an end. 

I moved at the beginning of the year and reunited with my ex, settled into my full-time job and enjoyed a year of relative ease (per my yearly intention). 

I suffered a chronic ear infection and two frozen shoulders (first the right - which quickly resolved and then the left which still has a limited range of motion).  Other than that, my health has improved greatly.  I think it's due to giving up meat and most dairy.  In 2019, I vow to give up all dairy as well, going totally Vegan.  I have had such a vast improvement in my health that I find it easy to follow.  Not only that, I have lost all my taste for meat, cheese and milk products.  There are sometimes a challenge in finding foods but I welcome the upcoming challenges in the new year as I explore new foods.

My new neighborhood has been interesting.  I live in a park-like setting, close to public transit, however, I feel isolated from my previous social circles downtown.  It has been a learning experience to be sure.  I have explored the neighborhood but there isn't a lot around me in the form of social opportunities.  Without a car to get around, it is limited.  I have public transportation and Uber/Lyft.  I manage but I'm less motivated to get out and about due to logistics.  So I've spent the better part of the year "hermiting".  I have enjoyed the nature walks in my area when the weather is nice.  I enjoy watching my neighbors walk their dogs. 

I've found ease in my work.  I no longer dread going to work.  I no longer dread the daily routine.  I look forward to having structure and consistency in my days.  The familiarity soothes me.  I get to work from home two days a week and that is very nice.  I am comfortable with my work and when challenges arise I feel confident to meet them. 

Sadly as the year ended, another break up happened with my ex.  We just can't make it work, though we have valiantly tried.  It feels rough and raw still as we both go our own ways.  We tried to remain friends yet that was just a convenient crutch for the both of us and we eventually had to break even that tie.  A clean break was needed.  I do not look forward to the loneliness and sadness that stands before me as I heal from this relationship.  But heal I must...

I read "Scar Tissue" by Anthony Kiedis and was transformed.  Not only that, I am now a confirmed Red Hot Chili Peppers fan!  So that happened!  I recommitted to my sobriety and feel a clarity I haven't felt for over two years.  I am ready to see what comes next!

So here's to a new year!

 

2018 - The Year of Ease

I have noticed the power that giving one word per year has had for me. And after the past few years of relative turmoil, I am opting for some gentler, calmer, smoother sailing for awhile.  I dub 2018 the YEAR OF EASE!

ease

ēz/

noun

1. 1.

   absence of difficulty or effort.

   "he gave up tobacco and alcohol with ease"

   synonyms:

   effortlessness, no trouble, simplicity; More

verb

1. 1.

   make (something unpleasant, painful, or intense) less serious or severe.

   "a huge road-building program to ease congestion"

   synonyms:

   relieve, alleviate, mitigate, soothe, palliate, moderate, dull, deaden, numb; More
2. 2.

   move carefully, gradually, or gently.

   "I eased down the slope with care"

   synonyms:

   guide, maneuver, inch, edge; More

3. 

End of the year

The end has come.  I have had a year.  Good.  Not so good.  Up.  Down.  All around.  I guess it's the same as every other year in that regard.  It just feels more "in my face" because it's been happening recently.

This year saw me engaged and unengaged.  Wow.  My father and grandmother passed as well as 4 friends.  A move and another one planned.  And a return to full time work.  And I lost about 50 lbs.  So many points on the stress scale.

Despite it all, it's been a good year.  I enjoy my job.  I enjoy my place in this weird city. I enjoy my friends and family and I enjoy my life.

I had a year of transformation.  I have emerged.

2017 - This year is TRANSFORMATION

Wow!  2016 was quite the ride.  Up, down, all around.  A roller coaster really.  I learned sooooo much and really went through "it" and emerged on the other side with a soft landing.

The word for 2016 was resiliency.  And I found it.  I endured it.  I embodied it.  I did my work.  I figured some things out.  And I didn't stop.  I rested a few times, but I never stopped.

Yay!

Before 2016 ended I knew what I was going to focus on in 2017.  ME!

To my surprise, I still had some clearing and healing to do on non physical levels in 2016.  I don't know that it's all done (is it ever?), but I am much further along than I was a year ago.

And now, finally, I am putting my focus and attention on my physical health and well being.  In a big way.  I have been trying to get here for several years, but I guess I had to heal on emotional, mental and spiritual levels before I could bring it to my physical level.  I get that now.

So, TRANSFORMATION, is my word this year.  I am taking this on at a physical level.  My goal is to FEEL BETTER.  Everything else is bonus.

Part of my goals this year is to really understand food on a deeper level than calories, emotional comfort and convenience.

I went to a job interview one time for Panera Bread.  One of their philosophies is about developing a relationship with food.  I was struck deeply by this guiding principle.  That is part of my goal this year.

I also want to deepen my own relationship with myself.  For many years of my life, I sought sources outside of myself to provide me with the emotional care I craved.  I have been working on this internal transformation for several years now.  I am ready to see it unfold in the world around me.

All in all, I am very excited by the start of this year.  No, things are not perfect.  But I do not feel like I am on a carnival ride any longer.

The year of 2016

Holy wow.

This year has had more ups downs sideways and byways than I can remember.

It has left me feeling a more than a little woozy.

My One True Love and I have finally been united.  He put a ring on it.  Yes, this ring.  There is an exquisitely, romantic story behind it, to be told at another time.  

I have the job of my dreams.  The man of my dreams.  A beautiful apartment with a beautiful view of a beautiful city.

We are in a time of mystery and change.  We are seeing the best and the worst of people.  We have a new president elect and at the same time we are seeing people come together to change the world for the better like the water protectors at Standing Rock.

My daughter has moved into her very own apartment.  A first for her.  She has been at her first real job for a little over a year and has been promoted.  She is an amazing young woman and I couldn't be prouder.

I lost a dear and amazing friend this year.  I will be able to hold a piece of her as I am adopting her cat.

I have had many amazing insights into my own personal character that has led to transformation.  I have learned through an intense and painful experience that at 50 years old, I have the back of an 18 year old.  How amazing is that?  That is miraculous to me!  It allows me to question every single ailment that I am currently attached to.  More to come on this subject in the future.

I have learned more and new energy techniques.  I have deepened my Tarot and Astrology knowledge.  I have studied more occult and esoteric books.  And I have gotten to the point that I am manifesting at an incredible speed.

My life has become quite magical.

As I say this, the sun has popped out in an otherwise overcast day.  :)

This is not to say there aren't down times, sad times, or challenges.  Quite the contrary.  What I am suggesting, is those times don't completely deflate me as they did in the past.  I have, in fact, become RESILIENT!  I welcome the challenges as eagerly as any other incoming energy.  Everything has benefit.  Something to teach, something to learn from, something to offer me.  Of course, that is not always apparent in the moment.  And of course, I am not always (ok nearly never) a gracious host to those challenging energies, but I take them in, and I allow the experience, and I keep on going.

Until next year.....

Hauntings

Instinctual

a force of nature
strong and sure
unstoppable
guided by unseen
elements
move
go
do
move
go
do
move
go
do

Compromise?

Where do I strike a medium ground with myself?  How do I come to terms with being me and being accepted exactly as I am now with being "toned" down for a relationship?  Because, it is appearing to me that in order for me to be in a romantic relationship, there is going to have to be a little less me in order for it to work.

And is that right? Is that fair?  Is that how it is?  Is this life when in a partnership?

I had been under the assumption that when we are in relationship, that we are accepted for all we are, flaws, too muchness, good and bad.  However, I am getting that in order for a partnership to occur I am going to have to keep some of ME to myself.

I am having some dissonance.

Right now I am feeling so confined.  I feel like I am in prison.  I feel suffocated, no stifled.  Yes, I am feeling like I am being corralled and tied up.  Penned in.

I am having a problem coming to terms with all this.  I want to be exactly as I am.  Yes, oftentimes I am a wrecking ball.  Maybe I should be with someone whose walls are a little stronger. 

Maybe being alone is where it is at.

No compromise.

Yet, where is the growth?  And being alone can suck sometimes.

Can I have it all?

Can I be me and have a romantic relationship?

I don't have the answer.

It's like I give up pieces of me in order to have someone in my life.

I don't know if it's worth it.

And I vacillate...

When at work, do I hold part of myself back?  Of course.  And in other certain social settings as well.  In fact, there are very few venues where I am and can be all of me.  My support groups.  And at home when I am alone.

I guess, the big question is am I willing to compromise in order to have a relationship?

Well, if these feelings of being "tamed" are part of it, I am going to have to decline.  

I Rise

I Came in Like a Wrecking Ball

I never meant to start a war....

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain
We jumped never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell.
A love no one could deny
Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you
I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me
I put you high up in the sky
And now, you're not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we're ashes on the ground
Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you
I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should've let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should've let you win
Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me

Elemental Drama

Elemental Drama

Earth expands,
    strains to touch the sky...
       falls back in despair

Again enchanted,
  she stretches upward, upward...
        but cannot escape.

Air dances out of reach,
     light-swift movement teases....
        she watches silently.

Suddenly Fire lunges,
    promises warmth and light...
      she guards her fertility.

He swells--she shrinks,
   hypnotic rhythms entice...
      she succumbs.

Enchanted, drugged,
   betrayed by Flame's lurid charm...
      Earth lies seared in the void.


                                  Judith Ann Kerr



Written by my mother circa 1978
 

13:7

Creativity

I got this when I watched the documentary "History of the Eagles".  The Eagles were my first teenage rock band loves.  I have been fascinated and entranced by them since I first heard them.  I loved the documentary as it was a way to get to know them.  Love these guys.

Guitar Goggles

Guitar goggles are when this guy





picks up a guitar and starts playing

 



And turns into...





Okay, so I used a strong visual to bring my experience to life, however, with me it is rarely about looks.  It usually has more to do with guy #1, depicted here by Napoleon Dynamite, having no money, no job and no problem charming me out of whatever he wants. Something about being involved with a guitar player is like having a spell cast over me and all I see is a beautiful man who is in love with me.

My kryptonite..."crypt tonight"

It is said that awareness is the first step towards change.  I am WIDE AWAKE! 

The End

                                      
Well then...

I just came across this in my book of faces feed.  Yah, there are NOOOOO coincidences.  I'd say this sums it up perfectly.  I'm starting a new chapter, make that a new book!  This book has come to an end.