End of year (2018)

So soon another year has come to an end. 

I moved at the beginning of the year and reunited with my ex, settled into my full-time job and enjoyed a year of relative ease (per my yearly intention). 

I suffered a chronic ear infection and two frozen shoulders (first the right - which quickly resolved and then the left which still has a limited range of motion).  Other than that, my health has improved greatly.  I think it's due to giving up meat and most dairy.  In 2019, I vow to give up all dairy as well, going totally Vegan.  I have had such a vast improvement in my health that I find it easy to follow.  Not only that, I have lost all my taste for meat, cheese and milk products.  There are sometimes a challenge in finding foods but I welcome the upcoming challenges in the new year as I explore new foods.

My new neighborhood has been interesting.  I live in a park-like setting, close to public transit, however, I feel isolated from my previous social circles downtown.  It has been a learning experience to be sure.  I have explored the neighborhood but there isn't a lot around me in the form of social opportunities.  Without a car to get around, it is limited.  I have public transportation and Uber/Lyft.  I manage but I'm less motivated to get out and about due to logistics.  So I've spent the better part of the year "hermiting".  I have enjoyed the nature walks in my area when the weather is nice.  I enjoy watching my neighbors walk their dogs. 

I've found ease in my work.  I no longer dread going to work.  I no longer dread the daily routine.  I look forward to having structure and consistency in my days.  The familiarity soothes me.  I get to work from home two days a week and that is very nice.  I am comfortable with my work and when challenges arise I feel confident to meet them. 

Sadly as the year ended, another break up happened with my ex.  We just can't make it work, though we have valiantly tried.  It feels rough and raw still as we both go our own ways.  We tried to remain friends yet that was just a convenient crutch for the both of us and we eventually had to break even that tie.  A clean break was needed.  I do not look forward to the loneliness and sadness that stands before me as I heal from this relationship.  But heal I must...

I read "Scar Tissue" by Anthony Kiedis and was transformed.  Not only that, I am now a confirmed Red Hot Chili Peppers fan!  So that happened!  I recommitted to my sobriety and feel a clarity I haven't felt for over two years.  I am ready to see what comes next!

So here's to a new year!

 

2018 - The Year of Ease

I have noticed the power that giving one word per year has had for me. And after the past few years of relative turmoil, I am opting for some gentler, calmer, smoother sailing for awhile.  I dub 2018 the YEAR OF EASE!

ease

ēz/

noun

1. 1.

   absence of difficulty or effort.

   "he gave up tobacco and alcohol with ease"

   synonyms:

   effortlessness, no trouble, simplicity; More

verb

1. 1.

   make (something unpleasant, painful, or intense) less serious or severe.

   "a huge road-building program to ease congestion"

   synonyms:

   relieve, alleviate, mitigate, soothe, palliate, moderate, dull, deaden, numb; More
2. 2.

   move carefully, gradually, or gently.

   "I eased down the slope with care"

   synonyms:

   guide, maneuver, inch, edge; More

3. 

End of the year

The end has come.  I have had a year.  Good.  Not so good.  Up.  Down.  All around.  I guess it's the same as every other year in that regard.  It just feels more "in my face" because it's been happening recently.

This year saw me engaged and unengaged.  Wow.  My father and grandmother passed as well as 4 friends.  A move and another one planned.  And a return to full time work.  And I lost about 50 lbs.  So many points on the stress scale.

Despite it all, it's been a good year.  I enjoy my job.  I enjoy my place in this weird city. I enjoy my friends and family and I enjoy my life.

I had a year of transformation.  I have emerged.

2017 - This year is TRANSFORMATION

Wow!  2016 was quite the ride.  Up, down, all around.  A roller coaster really.  I learned sooooo much and really went through "it" and emerged on the other side with a soft landing.

The word for 2016 was resiliency.  And I found it.  I endured it.  I embodied it.  I did my work.  I figured some things out.  And I didn't stop.  I rested a few times, but I never stopped.

Yay!

Before 2016 ended I knew what I was going to focus on in 2017.  ME!

To my surprise, I still had some clearing and healing to do on non physical levels in 2016.  I don't know that it's all done (is it ever?), but I am much further along than I was a year ago.

And now, finally, I am putting my focus and attention on my physical health and well being.  In a big way.  I have been trying to get here for several years, but I guess I had to heal on emotional, mental and spiritual levels before I could bring it to my physical level.  I get that now.

So, TRANSFORMATION, is my word this year.  I am taking this on at a physical level.  My goal is to FEEL BETTER.  Everything else is bonus.

Part of my goals this year is to really understand food on a deeper level than calories, emotional comfort and convenience.

I went to a job interview one time for Panera Bread.  One of their philosophies is about developing a relationship with food.  I was struck deeply by this guiding principle.  That is part of my goal this year.

I also want to deepen my own relationship with myself.  For many years of my life, I sought sources outside of myself to provide me with the emotional care I craved.  I have been working on this internal transformation for several years now.  I am ready to see it unfold in the world around me.

All in all, I am very excited by the start of this year.  No, things are not perfect.  But I do not feel like I am on a carnival ride any longer.