To New Year's Resolution or Not?

For many, many years my New Year's Eve rite of passage was to compose multiple New Year's Resolutions, mostly full of lofty goals that I would never achieve, but would nonetheless feel guilty about all year long. 

Lose weight.  Quit Smoking.  Meditate every day.  Be nicer.  Take better care of myself.  Stick to a budget.  *groan* 

I usually felt defeated before I even began and, to be honest, in the later years, fulfilling 24 hours towards any of these goals was rare.  

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

― Narcotics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous (Anonymous)

In 2010, I changed this pattern.

I still enjoy the changing of the year and feel compelled to declare an intention.  What I do now is choose ONE WORD that will be a trigger word, in THOSE moments, of what I am focusing on for the current year.  A simple way to bring me back to what matters to me.

The other thing I do is review my progress on my birthday, which is really MY New Year, so near the Spring Equinox I see if the word of the year is working for me.  It wasn’t until the last half of 2010 that I made these changes so I carried over my 2010 word AUTHENTIC into 2011.  This was an interesting place to begin for me.  I went through so many changes and shed a lot of fear.  It became clear to me that letting my Freak Flag Fly was far more liberating than anything else in my life.

The word for 2012 was BALANCE.  I realized I was working full-time, going to school part-time and dealing with my daughter's transition from High School to beyond as we began to adjust to a different type of relationship.  Oddly enough, I went from doing too much to doing nothing as I quit a secure and flexible career to do.....? 

Realizing I had gone from one extreme to the other, I recycled BALANCE into 2013, which morphed into HARMONY as I learned to live with other people. 

In reviewing 2013, I didn’t DO very much physically, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally I put in a lot of effort.  

As I end this year, I am ready to progress beyond per-conceived limitations so for 2014, I have chosen my word to be TRUST

In reviewing many different definitions I found on the web, I have decided this is MY definition of the word: 

           intransitive verb-to be confident (Merriam-Webster).

References:

"Trust." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 31 Dec. 2013. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust>.

Anonymous, Narcotics. Narcotics Anonymous > Quotes . 31 12 2013. internet. 31 12 2013. <https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1075981.Narcotics_Anonymous>.

A Culture of Fear

It is a new world today.  

New Age-y vernacular aside, I have been reading that there are two BASIC – as in FUNDAMENTAL – emotions - Fear and Love, or rather, that all emotions lead back to the basic/fundamental emotions of Fear and Love.

I don’t think anyone has to buy into any particular belief to know the truth of this.  And heaven forbid I suggest otherwise what with all the sensitivity going on around me.

Having stated my disclaimer, I pontificate:

I was brought up in a Culture of Fear.  Truth.  As in that is a FACT.  

I do not deny that I was loved, but that love came with a price.  The price was fear.  For example:

Spare the rod, spoil the child

FEAR YOUR GOD or you will die and something about the gnashing of teeth (that one ALWAYS scared the BE-JESUS right out of me! Pun intended.)

“I have to punish you now, but I do it because I love you”

THE END IS NEAR!  APOCALYPSE NOW! 

OBEY AUTHORITY!  Not RESPECT them, but OBEY or fear punishment!

Crime is rising!  Drug WARS! Terrorism!  GANGLAND!  PEDOPHILIA (which, along with serial killers, is apparently rampant now)!

And now it’s THE ILLUMINATI, the 2%, reptilian agendas, satanic entertainment cults, government, New World Order, microchipping, medications, nanotechnology, cell phones, aliens, religions, guns, educational systems, mind control, electrical toxicity, pollution, environment, natural disasters, WATER, AIR, FOOD, COFFEE (oh please no, not my coffeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)…

Ahhhh, the EVIL MEDIA! 

Isn’t there always someone to blame? 

And the list goes on.

Thank you.  I get it.  I AM SCARED! Okay. 

Psychotic Break activated.

Is it any wonder?  How can anyone who is even mildly sensitive supposed to function?  And no wonder psychopathy is prevalent.  I would say that some humans HAVE become desensitized in order to survive the feeling of being terrified every single minute of the day.

I digress.

I could analyze until next Tuesday as to why humans have become obsessed with Fear.  But, that’s not my point (at least not today).  

My point is- it is what it is. What is done is DONE.

And in order to fit in, conform, be a good girl, getalong, etc, I have done my fair share of the FEAR perpetuation. 

But as Maya Angelou wrote: "You did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better."

I know better. 

I am doing better. 

I am choosing LOVE.

A Culture of Love.  

That’s MY New World Order.