The year of 2016

Holy wow.

This year has had more ups downs sideways and byways than I can remember.

It has left me feeling a more than a little woozy.

My One True Love and I have finally been united.  He put a ring on it.  Yes, this ring.  There is an exquisitely, romantic story behind it, to be told at another time.  

I have the job of my dreams.  The man of my dreams.  A beautiful apartment with a beautiful view of a beautiful city.

We are in a time of mystery and change.  We are seeing the best and the worst of people.  We have a new president elect and at the same time we are seeing people come together to change the world for the better like the water protectors at Standing Rock.

My daughter has moved into her very own apartment.  A first for her.  She has been at her first real job for a little over a year and has been promoted.  She is an amazing young woman and I couldn't be prouder.

I lost a dear and amazing friend this year.  I will be able to hold a piece of her as I am adopting her cat.

I have had many amazing insights into my own personal character that has led to transformation.  I have learned through an intense and painful experience that at 50 years old, I have the back of an 18 year old.  How amazing is that?  That is miraculous to me!  It allows me to question every single ailment that I am currently attached to.  More to come on this subject in the future.

I have learned more and new energy techniques.  I have deepened my Tarot and Astrology knowledge.  I have studied more occult and esoteric books.  And I have gotten to the point that I am manifesting at an incredible speed.

My life has become quite magical.

As I say this, the sun has popped out in an otherwise overcast day.  :)

This is not to say there aren't down times, sad times, or challenges.  Quite the contrary.  What I am suggesting, is those times don't completely deflate me as they did in the past.  I have, in fact, become RESILIENT!  I welcome the challenges as eagerly as any other incoming energy.  Everything has benefit.  Something to teach, something to learn from, something to offer me.  Of course, that is not always apparent in the moment.  And of course, I am not always (ok nearly never) a gracious host to those challenging energies, but I take them in, and I allow the experience, and I keep on going.

Until next year.....

Hauntings

Instinctual

a force of nature
strong and sure
unstoppable
guided by unseen
elements
move
go
do
move
go
do
move
go
do

Compromise?

Where do I strike a medium ground with myself?  How do I come to terms with being me and being accepted exactly as I am now with being "toned" down for a relationship?  Because, it is appearing to me that in order for me to be in a romantic relationship, there is going to have to be a little less me in order for it to work.

And is that right? Is that fair?  Is that how it is?  Is this life when in a partnership?

I had been under the assumption that when we are in relationship, that we are accepted for all we are, flaws, too muchness, good and bad.  However, I am getting that in order for a partnership to occur I am going to have to keep some of ME to myself.

I am having some dissonance.

Right now I am feeling so confined.  I feel like I am in prison.  I feel suffocated, no stifled.  Yes, I am feeling like I am being corralled and tied up.  Penned in.

I am having a problem coming to terms with all this.  I want to be exactly as I am.  Yes, oftentimes I am a wrecking ball.  Maybe I should be with someone whose walls are a little stronger. 

Maybe being alone is where it is at.

No compromise.

Yet, where is the growth?  And being alone can suck sometimes.

Can I have it all?

Can I be me and have a romantic relationship?

I don't have the answer.

It's like I give up pieces of me in order to have someone in my life.

I don't know if it's worth it.

And I vacillate...

When at work, do I hold part of myself back?  Of course.  And in other certain social settings as well.  In fact, there are very few venues where I am and can be all of me.  My support groups.  And at home when I am alone.

I guess, the big question is am I willing to compromise in order to have a relationship?

Well, if these feelings of being "tamed" are part of it, I am going to have to decline.  

I Rise