On Ambition....

Is it all it's cracked up to be?  I've had this internal drive inside of me since I was a teenager to DO, DO, DO.  To STRIVE, STRIVE, STRIVE to better myself and GO SOMEWHERE with my life.  Recently took a big step in my life and let go of all that and am now unemployed and loafing.  It's taking some getting used to.  Believe it or not.

Phase 1: 
Weeks 1-3 after last day of work-a sense of disbelief that it was real.  The continued feeling that I must be in a hurry all the time.  That frantic and frenetic ick.

Phase 2:
Weeks 4-6-comatose and a slight depression.  Not really knowing what to do with myself now that I had no structure. 

Phase 3:
Weeks 7-12-PRODUCTIVE!  Decisions made!  Action steps taken!  Feeling good!  Nothing too urgent, but I had daily chores and I was busy.  I think work IS good for me.  Not necessarily employment though.  (excuse my grammar please)

Phase 4:
Current-eh.  Feeling.....like I am floating on water and being carried by waves to wherever.  Not sure I am okay with that.  I am a control freak after all.  That whole "let go and let ?" doesn't really appeal to me.  I prefer to depend on me.  Yet, I don't feel that internal drive, er, driving me to DO anything about it. 

hmmmm....