I’ve always known I was an Empath. Or at least from the very first time I heard
the word I knew it meant me. My best
recollection was learning about the term in some sort of class room setting and
I remember being young – perhaps 8-10 years old.
Knowing I’m an Empath and comprehending what it meant for me
were two different things. It has been
in the past year (2013) that I have been able to understand this for me.
Empathy is the ability to FEEL someone else’s emotions. That’s how it manifests in me.
As a child I remember being incredibly sensitive. Being away from my mother was torturous as
she was a beautiful protector who provided safe space for me. My world changed when my parents divorced at
a very young age.
I was watching “True Blood” one day and something clicked
for me. Honestly the television may not
be the best teacher, but it has been a consistent one. Thank you, Hollywood. I was watching how the main character, Sookie,
was distressed when she was in a large group of people – like at the restaurant
where she works – and I noted her reaction as she physically heard the thoughts
of people.
Now, I don’t hear thoughts.
I get a high pitched ringing at best (from my daughter when she has a
STRONG thought about me). What I do
experience is feelings. Emotions. It’s intense.
For years I had no idea what the heck.
I just knew that I could be in a good mood and a second later I was in a
rage. As life is so accommodating, there
would always be a physical manifestation to appear in order to reinforce my
emotions.
For example: I walk
in to a crowded mall at Christmas time.
I go in with a purpose to visit a store and purchase a gift for a family
member. As I enter the mall looking
forward to seeking and finding a special treat I am bombarded by hustle and
bustle and growls and grimaces and pushing and shoving and crabbiness and
criticisms. I pick up on that
immediately and my mood turns sour. (of
course I do my best to turn around and spread the cheer lol)
I remember explaining to my daughter one time that I felt
like Sookie only I didn’t hear voices coming from other people but I could feel
their emotions and when I was in big crowds of people that it was like walking
through waves of emotional pain sometimes.
In the past I would interpret this experience as BAD. I would attach many different stories and
judgments to it. And I would conclude
that *I* was having a bad day and I would play that out for myself. Let me tell you, repeated days of this do not
build a happy home.
This year I have had the privilege of learning more about my
Empathic nature and now I understand that much of what I was feeling was coming
from other people and not myself and the thoughts they were thinking were not
about me but about themselves. I
inadvertently over identified as I did not understand that I was indeed picking
up others’ thoughts but in the form of feelings.
Finding my own inner space that is ME was essential. Accepting MYSELF was crucial. Now I make a practice of being a mindful
observer, of acknowledging the reality of my situation and of allowing my
Higher Power to help me.
Some helpful references:
Books:
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. - The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You
Gary Haper - The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heros in the Workplace and at Home
Websites:
