In my research of the dynamics between men and women I am perplexed. Not a new place for me in this regard. In the past, I have often found myself very confused in the arena of "play" between man and woman.
I do not pretend to understand "the game", as it were, between the sexes. I do not understand why there even has to be a game. I don't do games. I don't care for games. I don't understand games. I think games are boring and kind of stupid.
But it seems to me that there is a game afoot regardless of my feelings about it. A game between the sexes. A game of some sort that have instructions and rules I am just not privy to.
I have read countless books, blogs and bruhahas about men and women and how to's. I still don't understand. All of them suggest a compromise to who I am. They suggest me being someone different than me. How is that even a good thing?
When I have tried different strategies, because if nothing else I am tenacious, nothing has worked in my favor. To date.
I am not a game player. I am not a player at all. I am a heart on my sleeve, open, generous, emotional, loving, temperamental, optimistic, fun loving, practical, curious, weird, sensual, affectionate, sociable, compassionate, intellectual, intuitive, psychic, nature loving, sun worshiping, animal talking, open minded, overachiever, indulgent kind of gal. I am a giant heart. But what I am not, is a game lover or a game player.
Deception is not part of my understanding. It is one of my weaknesses as I have, in the past, often been deceived due to my lack of discernment and unwillingness to see the bad in people. I see people's goodness. When I look at people, I see their soul. It can be called a gift. It can be called a curse. It is rare that I meet someone and cannot find a redeeming quality within them. That is my downfall I suppose, if viewed from a perspective of finding a mate. Because I do not play. I mean, I play to play. I might play in a creek. I might play ball with the dog. I might play swords with sticks. But I don't play with someone's feelings for me. I think that is wrong. And I do not tell someone I care about them in order to further my own gains. I would never pursue someone deceptively for sexual or financial satisfaction. That deception I find quite foul. I much prefer a man just come out and say up front what his intentions are and then let me decide for myself if I want to proceed in what he has in mind. Deception is not necessary. I suppose such a man would take the risk of not getting what he wants and he ups the ante in his favor by creating an illusion, but I can't help but think the chinks to his soul are worth the price.
So, yes, I can be judgmental and self-righteous at times but I do try to keep that to a minimum because I understand human nature is just that.
And the other side of the coin is to be soooo distrustful and fearful of being deceived that I never, ever open myself up again. Shutting down completely.
So, where do I go with all this?
I have been "coached", from friends to self-help gurus, to be more this, more that, do this, do that, in order to attract and keep a man. Yet all these rules and thises and thatses are just as much of an illusion as the man who deceives a woman into sleeping with him by saying he loves her when he doesn't.
It has been suggested by several authors, er um, relationship "experts", that men have a need to pursue and we, as women, should play hard to get; allow our feminine vulnerability to attract them; to play by "The Rules"; to not reveal to men what we reveal to our female friends, etc....
I want to be loved and accepted for ME. Not for some imaginary persona I have created or for how well I have played some ridiculous game. I have complete confidence that I am ENOUGH, as I am.
How about we all just stop playing games and start communicating with a common language and learn to say what we really think and feel and want. Then we can each decide, for ourselves, in complete transparency, to involve ourselves with each other.
Sounds uncomplicated. Is it too simple?
Pictures:
Dali Lama
Diagram
Road Signs
