A request for help.
A blogger I follow at http://removingtheshackles.blogspot.com/ has inspired me with her own empowerment.
The woman has asked for help.
I empathize with her reluctance.
The awkwardness is uncomfortable.
I sit with it for me.
I do not understand why asking for help makes me feel
*blech*. Ego, pride, fear of rejection,
fear of judgment, unworthiness, guilt and shame come to mind. I’m sure there is much below this and I know
I am NOT the only person who feels like this.
At least ONE other person out there shares this with me and she has a
blog!
As I begin this year, I am re-entering the work force. I have been through an amazing year (2013) in which
I chose to embrace the opportunity to do inner work. I was not employed and what money I did
receive via student financial aid and my tax return I contributed to my friends
who have lovingly provided a shelter for me, my daughter and my cat. I contributed some to my daughter and her
care. I contributed money to further my
education. I also paid some debt, allowed
my car to be repossessed and my financial aid to be revoked. I also contributed and donated to others in
need. I indulged sparingly.
That is the honest assessment of the situation on a
practical level.
Looking back in retrospect I am pleased with where I
am. I learned to live with others, to
communicate more effectively, to be more flexible and less controlling; I
rebuilt relationships with my daughter, my sister and my mother. I discovered new skills within myself and I
found love in my heart. Some would go so
far as to call that God.
And yet, that doesn't seem to warrant worthiness. At least in a world where we have required ourselves to PAY for everything. Like a warm shelter, clean water and fresh food. So, because I didn't make a ton of money, publish a scholarly journal, earn a degree or produce in some other manner I have the perception that to "the public" I loafed all year. *sigh*
Further....this perception I have is just that. MY perception. No one has judged me. I judge myself and then project that judgment onto others and it is reflected back to me and back and forth and back and forth.
This year my goal is to create a balanced foundation in
which I integrate the practical with the so called non practical. Balance for my wellbeing. Not overwork, not over ambition, not over
indulgence, not over austerity, not over independence, not over dependence, not
over focus on inner work, not over focus on material security…a loving combination of everything synching and
merging and dancing together. Bringing
the Divine into the mundane.
Now that I have justified my worth. Whew.
Baby steps.
To Be Continued..... *cue dramatic music*
Baby steps.
To Be Continued..... *cue dramatic music*
